Reason #1041… June 30, 2006

A week does not go by that we are not more and more greatful that we bought our house and will be out of here soon!! Last night the boyfriend, D, took his dog outside for his walk. He only managed to get as far as the bottom of the stairs, when his/our dog was attacked by a bull mastif/pit bull mix. We have seen this dog around a lot in our driveway since the shemale (seriously she is half girl half boy) is dating a guy in the house next door. This shemale has been talked to a lot I guess, by police and our neighbors because she never has her dog on a leash. A few weeks ago we heard a woman, who had been innocently walking her dog down the street, screaming at the shemale because the bull mastif was leashless and terrorizing the woman’s dog. One of our neighbors told us that the dog is actually very nice, but clearly has a bad bad owner. Anyway…the outcome? we had to take our dog to the vet where he had to get a few staples on the top of his head to close the wound. We called the cops because the shemale hightailed it out of there without taking any responsibility. We really don’t want to see anything actually happen to the dog because I fully believe it’s the owner’s fault when their dog can’t be controlled. We can’t blame the dogs…it’s in their nature. What I really want is for that girl to pay our vet bill and get cited for repeatedly not having her dog on a leash in a highly populated area!

The best part was the cop’s quote when we told him which apartment the shemale was in next door…”She’s dating the guy in Apt. #3? Yeah I was there last week…I felt bad cause when I showed up I let some air in”. That same cop new the names of all the people who live in that building…well why shouldn’t he? They are here everyweek!

Onion! June 28, 2006

I’m 17 weeks along . The baby is now 5 inches long and the size of a large onion. Gotta say I’m very happy that our baby is still in the “size of food” family and not say…the size of animals or something like that. I already get the “there’s an alien growing in me” feeling once in a while. Especially when a little pug dog I never met before took one look at me yesterday and would not come near me, but rather hid behind his owner’s legs.

One week from today we find out the sex of the baby….what is it gonna be?….all guesses point to boy from friends and family. They almost have me convinced as well. I’m just looking forward to the visual so I can see once and for all it is a little baby and , hopefully, developing normally. You get a little paranoid when you are pregnant….just a little.

Reason # 1040… June 28, 2006

…that we ARE leaving this apartment….heard in my driveway through my window last night at about 3 am

“No harm done….Thanks for letting it go. I already have a DWI and can’t get another one”

A Wedding June 25, 2006

The Boyfriend, D, and I went to a wedding last night. My first favorite moment - two old couples seriously dancing to John Coulter's folk version of "Baby Got Back" which the couple played for fun. Those old folk…seriously had no idea…one couple was even showing off their fancy twirling skills.

My second favorite moment - the grooms adlibed speech which included such subjects as wizards casting spells and "friends with benefits".

My third favorite moment - A family of 10 doing the Macarena to New Order's "Blue Monday"

I’m an ass June 21, 2006

In my last post "outta here" I talked about how my upstairs neighbor was sexually assaulted in her apartment, but then in the next paragraph I launch into how I just bought a house and how happy I am….

Well…I talked to my nieghbor today. I ran into her out in our driveway and I just felt compelled to ask her how she was doing even though I know it's such a personal thing. She ended up telling me the whole story. She made me cry. She actually had to hug me to make me feel better. I feel like such a heel. It's every woman's worst nightmare and it happened to her in her own house. She admitted to not being as careful as she should be with the people she hangs out with, but as we all know, nobody ever deserves it. She was pushed face down into her bed - pinned like that - helpless. She promised that if she was attacked any other way she would have been able to put up a fight, but not like that. She also promised she would get stronger. Hopefully she didn't mean for the "next time".

I told her I was pregnant and that we bought a house. After she congratulated me she said "good. You don't want to raise a child in this place"…

Outta here June 18, 2006

Reason # 1,039 we need to get out of our apartment….The girl upstairs (the same one who often is in trouble with the law - cat fights and the such outside of our bedroom window) was sexually assaulted by a friend of a friend on Friday night. She wasn't raped thankfully - the cops arrested the man but she still had some bruises rom the battle see. She's a realy tough woman so I'm sure she gave that man a real fight. It's so scary, but she seems to be doing well under the circumstances. Though she definitely gets herself involved with unsavory types, I'm sure she never imagined it could go that far.

 So….we bought a house!!! we close on July 27th so just a little over a month to go. We'll be broke, but happy. It's more important to bring my baby home to a safe house, rather then have extra money to go out to dinner. Finally…we can leave this place behind. We have only been here for 4 months, but 4 months way too long.

There has been a death today… June 17, 2006

I saw someone die today. I should say that I didn't actually see the man die but watched his coworkers, perhaps even they were his friends too, watch him die. They were working on the roof of the building right behind my house. For a few days now as I headed out my door to my car, I have looked up to see these same men working on that roof. This morning I was standing next to my bedroom window picking out which earrings to wear, when I heard the first shout. I crouched down to look out the window and that's when I heard that awful sound, like a bug zapper, and then a plume of smoke drifting from the front side of the house, the side I couldn't see. What I did see though, which feels much worse than witnessing the actual electrocution, was his friends watching it happen, helpless, from above. One kept screaming "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" over and over again. The second man kept yelling to the man below "Shut it off! Shut it off!". And the third man,,,well he just kept screaming the dead mans name over and over again. I watched all of this happen on my knees from my window, crying harder than I have cried in awhile. I heard a woman talking to the 911 operator and she asked the men how old he was…or is at that moment…"33" one yelled back. The men on the roof were tied to it so as not to fall themselves and it hurt to watch them frantically trying to get themselves unhooked and off the roof. You could tell they didn't know whether or not to throw themselves over the side to try to get to their friend (I'd like to think they were friends) or take the ladder down to the ground. I guess someone in the front of the house did finally get to the man and I heard "there's no pulse". The 3 workers on the roof kept screaming his name though over and over again…"Oh God No! No!". Finally they all made it down the roof and I watched them all run up the driveway by the side of the house to the end of the driveway. The biggest of the 3 reached the front of the house first. I watched him stop and look, then fall to his knees. I knew then the man was dead. With the sound and the smoke, I can only imagine how bad the dead man looked. He must have been badly burned. It seemed to take forever for the ambulance and fire department to get there. The foreman of the roofing crew kept his men behind the house. Like he didn't want them to see their friend like that. One, the biggest, puched the dumpster. The other, the smallest, held his face in his shirt, while still another walked in sporadic circles clearly in disbelief. I left then to go to work. I couldnt watch anymore. I couldn't cry anymore, though I did all the way to work and then some. I will not forget that sound of electricity, or the sound of those men yelling his name, screaming it really.

His name was Billy.

I want a house!!! June 13, 2006

Sunshine = happy smiley day where anything spectacular can happen.

House Hunting = Pain and delusional thougts…"maybe we can afford this house?…Maybe they'll actually sell it to us?" It's frustration and disappointment…It's the reminder that money rules the world.

graduation June 13, 2006

The boyfriend and I went to my cousin's high school graduation party this weekend. This was the first time they have seen me since the news…

"Hi Mommy! I'm so happy for you two!"

"Oh! Look at your tummy!"

"If your belly was juat a little bigger, I'd be rubbing it…next time!"

"So….when are you two getting married?"

"When are you getting married?"

"when are you getting married?"

"When are you getting married?"

"Make sure he gets you 2 carats!"

"When are you getting married?"

Leep June 9, 2006

At my doctor's apartment yesterday I stood in line at reception behind a girl and her mom. I'd say she was probably 18 years old. I heard the receptionist say to her "ok, you are here for a leep." and the girl ndded her yes. I had a leep biopsy a few years back and though it doesn't actually "hurt", it definitely does leave a little bit of an emotional scar to have a chunk of your cervix cut out. Mostly it's the novican that messes with your system which is shot, uncharecteristically, into your cervix. It makes your whole body burn and shiver. It took all my willpower not to tell the girl not to worry, that it doesn't really hurt, in hopes of easing her mind.

The girl and I both were called for our appts at the same time, me off to hear my babies heartbeat, her to to the laser. While in my appt my doctor and I discussed timing for getting an ultrasound. Since most insurances don't cover ultrasounds, the doctors need to "make up" excuses for reasons their patienst should have ultrasounds. For me, my "excuse" was clear to her, we'll use my leep biopsy. It can "weaken" your cervix so it really is a legitamite excuse, but an excuse nonthesame.

At the checkout desk, the girl and her mother were paying her proceedure while I stood behind her waiting, looking for any signs on the girl that showed something of how I felt after my own. She waited patiently enough by her mother, snapping her gum, like nothing happened, nothing much at all.

House hunting June 7, 2006

The boyfriend and I have started house hunting. As we walk through the houses with our realtor I feel like I'm a little girl playing at grown up.

Lemon June 7, 2006

So we went from little lime to jumbo shrimp and now back to the citrus family…Lemon. According to the site her/his body is now starting to grow faster than her/his head, which means the baby is no longer looking so much like an alien but starting to take on some human shape! finally! Her/his hands and feet are only a half an inch long…half an inch! Teeny!

I have my doctors appt this morning. I need to ehar the heartbeat again, when it's been a month since your last appt, you start to worry a bit.

Grandma June 6, 2006

Since I have been pregnant, I have started to grow long pale, soft hair from my chin. And by long I don't mean an inch but maybe an eigth or quarter?…I'll have to measure. I have always had a fine layer of fluff on my face, but these seem to be inching past the rest of the pack. Every night I analyse them in the mirror plotting their demise. It takes all my willpower not to shave, nair, wax, or pluck them to oblivion (perhaps they will get a slight trim though…). But mostly I have to resist the urge to play with them, to search them out with my index and thumb and give them a few good tugs…a certain friend of mine (oh you know who you are!) is often caught twirling her chin hair when she slips into her daydreams. On quite a few occasions I have even smacked at her hand trying to curb her of her grandmaish ways. Well it seems I may be joining her there.

Having one of those days… June 4, 2006

I'm freaking out a bit…every once in awhile I get a wave of panic when I think about how I really AM pregnant. Most of the time I feel like I am living outside of my body watching someone else go through the pregnancy, but today, today I know it's all me. I have a doctor's appt this week and will get another chance to hear the heartbeat, that always seems to bring it back home again. I haven't heard that sound in over 3 weeks and have to admit that I have felt a bit anxious to know that everything is still going along smoothly. Today I'm on the couch watching bad a bad Bruce Willis movie, thinking "holy shit….I'm having a baby".

I want candy… June 4, 2006

Found: New candy store in Portsmouth called "I Want Candy". The shop has been open for six weeks now but the Boyfriend and I just stumbled across it today. It's on one of those small connector streets that connects Daniel and State St. And I'm not talking about another chocolatier, but full on candy! From taffy to candy cigarettes - root beer barrels to cow tails. I spent $5 bucks and got a good size bag of loot. It's nostalgia and cavity making heaven.