help March 16, 2008

I need to do something creative and feel gratified by it…can someone please point me in the right direction because nothing - nothing - interests me right now and that’s making me sad.

This could be because I’m pmsing though I loathe to use as an excuse for anything, but it could be…it also could be because I am planning my wedding and there is nothing fun about it (and I probably feel this way because it makes me worry and stress about money more which I already do more than a girl in my situation needs to do - and that situation is…I have a home and food and a car and clothes so get over yourself - ignore the debt). It might also be because my days are consumed with the same schedule. A schedule built around my daughter.  And though I love her more than anything . painfully so (seriously my heart actually hurts from it). Sometimes you just need a little bit of your old life back and right now I can’t seem to mentally tap back into that.  I mean, she’s asleep from 7:30 pm on. How hard would it be to become a thoughtful, interesting person with something more to do than just watching past TV shows on DVD?

Apparently it’s pretty hard, because as I type this post I just remembered that I have to go over to the wedding “planner” website I’m using, to keep everything I need to do in one place, and update something. shit.

They make you into nags… March 3, 2008

You aren’t born a nag. You are slowly, over years of dating boys and men, turned into one. Contrary to belief, it is not the moment that you say “I do” that solidifies your newfound status of NAG, but the day you say “Yes” to the question. Before they were just your boyfriend, forget that the fact that you may already have children with them, but then once you are wearing the engagement ring - well they might as well just call it signed and sealed - you practically are married. In the ensuing months of wedding planning, bill paying, baby caring, more wedding planning, and endless amounts of bill paying, you suddenly morph out of that “happy in love” version of yourself into that “happy in love but I will kill you slowly and painfully if you do not complete these three tasks I am going to assign you in the next 3 minutes”.

It’s not a hormone thing. It’s nothing to do with any “changes” or “friends” visiting, it really truly is THEM that drive you to it. We don’t want to be! We hate as they just stare back at us like deer caught in headlights or as if they are just a teen learning all over again what it’s like to hate their nagging parents. We want to be looked at fondly and told without hesitation “I will definitely do these 3 task you are assigning me and because I love you so much I will do it in 2 minutes time not 3!”

Well here I am now - a nag. And I got a list a mile long why it’s not my fault (not completely my fault at the very least), but that’s the rub of it, they will always believe it’s just something we are born with.