Just when I thought my boss and I were going to have to have a “talk” he walks by me the next day while I’m washing dishes and says “all that water running made me have to go tinkle” and then minutes later when we are getting ready to have a conference call with our other office, hands me a big fat chocolate chip cookie and says “I bought you this cause you look like you needed it today”.
One October 23, 2007
On Sunday I drove by a woman standing on the corner of the street holding a sign that said “Marriage. One Man. One Woman” She stood there by herself, surprisingly well dressed in a pant suit and gold jewelry. Probably fresh out of church. She seemed like she should have been smart, educated, anything other than one woman, dressed nicely, standing alone displaying her opinion to all who looked right.
I wanted to role down my window and yell “Marriage. one man. one woman. one asshole standing alone on the side of the road”
To the girl…. October 16, 2007
To the girl sitting behind me to my right at the Regina Spektor show last night…Though your voice is passable, perhaps even pretty if not compared to that of Regina Spektor, HOWEVER, we did not drive to Boston on a Sunday night to listen to you sing along with every single goddamn song. So kindly, next time you are at a concert, keep you mouth shut! You ain’t THAT good.
Not my baby… October 8, 2007
I say this a lot “Not my baby”. I also say this a lot “Ever since I had Miss S….”.
Ever since I had Miss S anything that has to do with children dying sends me immeadiately into a fit of tears. D has appeared to have developed a sixth sense to this because twice this weekend as I was watching the news he started shaking is his hand at me while chanting “Give me the clicker…Give me the clicker….GIVE ME THE CLICKER….” And with the intensity of his final “give me the clicker” I realize that they are just about to launch into a story on the news about children having cancer…or flashing back to those children that were killed in that Amish School. I now know to hand over that remote the first time he asks for it.
It’s starting to move past just children dying now, this tendency for tears. Tonight I cried at a movie where a twenty something year old died, and if you know me you know I cry at everything, but this was a different kind of crying because it wasn’t just any twenty something, it was somebody’s son. And sure enough the movie flashes to the mother learning of her son’s death and I for a second, because that is all I can allow myself to contemplate this kind of thing without completely losing my mind, imagine what it might be like to lose my own child. And that’s when I turn to D and say “Not my baby”….”No” he always says back while reaching across the couch to rub my leg.
Not the saddest thing but close! September 30, 2007
I’m alone this weekend with Miss S having sent D off to Maine to help my brother-inlaw work on his camp. I had this idea in my head that I was going to have the est sleep of my life this weekend with the bed to myself, but come to find out Miss S and I need D and his safe snoring presence here to get a full nights sleep. Both S and I have spent both nights tossing and turning. But the saddest thing…when I have gone to get her from her room in the morning to bring to our bed, as I do every morning, is to watch that big smile on her face fade as we come through the door and she sees that where her daddy usually is lying waiting for her, there is nothing. I know this is a tad melodramatic, but since having her I have become this way, it makes me think what it must be like for kids who have lost a parent. They look for them, but they just aren’t there in those usual places they expect them to be. Like waiting in bed for them with a smile on their face.
We took a hit… September 29, 2007
We took a hit at the grocery store this morning….our first “dropping of the toy and Mommy not being able to find it” experience. One minute it was there half in her chubby hand and half in her drooling mouth and the next gone. I did the sweep of the aisles we were just in but to no avail. Even a “concerned” (not!) store clerk asked if I needed help finding something, but apparently it only applies if it’s something they sell in the store, not a toy lost by a 10 month old. He gave me a sympathetic “ohhhhh” and moved on.
Goodbye little plastic seal bath toy….we’ll miss you.
Mildly disturbing September 26, 2007
Miss S has learned how to wave now. She waves at you and says “hi” whether you are coming or going. I love to get her to do it, she draws out the “hi” is a sing song voice. However I don’t like it when she does it in the dark of the early morning as I am rocking her. She gazed up at the ceiling and stayed like that for about a minute, until up came her hand and out of her mouth “Hiiiiii. Hiiiiiii. Hiiiiiii.”
I looked up to the ceiling to see who was there….
frackin’ dog September 8, 2007
yesterday I told a friend on the phone that I had nothing to blog about unless I wanted to write about how D’s dog (note: not MY dog) pooped on his bed and ate it…and so hear I go… We were watching a movie at the time and I just happened to look over to see him eating something so I said to D “did you give him a snack?” eating his shit he was. Then last night I saw him get up and meander into the kitchen (he’s old so when he gets up you know something is going on) I gave it a minute then followed him in. He was coughing up the hairball he just ate. The cat’s hairball mixed with cat food that had moment before (without my knowledge) been puked up by the cat…
And then just frackin’ now as I was sitting down on the couch for some alone time (Miss S and D off to visit grandma) The dog walks over to me, does not even wimper-no sign this was coming, just squats and starts to take a shit. I leaped across the coffee table grabbed the babiesrus flyer that was there on the way by and stuck it under his butt just in time to catch the turd.
the worst part…I needed that flyer for the coupon that was in it for carseats.
They do get pretty big, but come on! August 31, 2007
Last weekend while hanging around my cousin and his two kids, one of them took a real interest in Miss S, or more to the point Miss S’s lunch. I was standing with her in my arms just chatting with the cousin, when his little girl all of a sudden caught a glimpse of my chest. Not unclothed or anything - it’s just that I had been holding S close to my chest. So she sees my chest and literally recoils a bit. She actually steps back with a “whoahhhh” look on her face and says “Does she need to nurse?!” and points at my chest. Admittedly they were quite ginormous and milk filled - but to step back in horror at the size? Geez. Anyway the next words out of her mouth after I agreed that Mis S might need to nurse was “Can I watch?” Hmph. I think not.
The way i think… August 27, 2007
My thought pattern this morning upon waking:
…I love my daughter. She sounds so cute cooing in her crib. what do I have to do today?…go to work. I have to pay our bills too. Better get D’s check into the bank today so I can pay the mortgage bill. I need stamps. Can’t mail the bill without stamps. I’ll get him to pick up stamps. I didn’t need stamps to mail a card last week though. I sent my coworker’s card through the interoffice mail. How is she doing I wonder? It’s been 2 weeks since her boyfriend died of cancer. melanoma. My dad died of melanoma. (I now picture what he looked like the day he died). tears start. I wonder if he was scared? he must have been….I hear my daughter playing in her crib.
I go to her.
A worry August 24, 2007
When Miss S is older and calls me to her room in the middle of the night because she thinks something is in her closet or under her bed, How am I going to hide from her that her Mommy is also scared of the thing in the closet…or under the bed?…How will I open that door without shaking and running screaming for her bed to hide, to prove to her that there really is nothing in the closet. Because Mommy believes in the boogey man to…she really does….I really do.
Overheard in the bathroom… August 24, 2007
Girl with ponytail pulled slightly to the side with a flower bobby pin placed just so for a flirty touch - enters the handicap stall and addressing her friend with a yellow, red , and green stripped headband: “Dude. Why do they make handicap stalls so big? They could totally fit 2 handicap stalls in here!”
Girl exits stall and her friend enters: “You are totally right. You could fit 2 stalls in here. Dude did you notice the tiles on the wall are rasta colored?” (note the colors of her headband)
Friend looks at the bathroom wall: “Yeah. They totally are.”
Please please please don’t let my daughter grow up dumb like that…please.
naked August 17, 2007
Miss S saw her Dad totally naked yesterday, dripping wet just out of the shower and waiting for us to bring him a towel. Miss S took one look at him and burst out laughing…hysterically…she would bury her face in my shoulder with her little 8 month old arms flailing with mirth and then glance back at him only to burst into hyserical laughter again.
I would have laughed to but I don’t think his ego could have handled it 
better? August 3, 2007
I thought the last pic I posted of XianFern was cute…but she wasn’t pleased…is this better for ya?
